BOOKS

What books do ya'll like to read? Recently, while attending SMBI, I was required to do some book reports. A.W. Tozer is a deep writer and will make your mind think, but He has alot of good truths. Below is a report I did on one of his books. Hopefully, it will inspire you to go find it and read it too:)

The Crucified Life

by A.W. Tozer

The Crucified Life by A.W. Tozer, is a book about living a deeper Christian life, and about going beyond ourselves and our circumstances to Jesus. It's about learning how to have a relationship with God with nothing in between us and Him. To live with our hands open, and to be surrendered to whatever He wants, and to bring Him glory in all we do. This book challenged me to look to Jesus Christ, and to give Him all of my life, my heart, and my time. No matter what happens, to keep pressing forward to the state of spiritual perfection.

What is a crucified life? To live one's life fully devoted to God in humility, and as a sacrifice pleasing to God. We become dead yet alive at the same time. Dead to our selfish nature, but brilliantly alive in Jesus Christ. Why live a crucified life? The point has everything to do with Jesus. Not with laws and rules. Not in how we look, but to look like Jesus. To have our hearts beat after His, and not get caught up in all the distractions that want to take us away from Jesus. So often we give God our leftover time. What if Jesus had done that to us? We would be doomed to live in darkness. Jesus gave his ALL , and we are called not to anything less than that. What consists in living the crucified life? Turning away from the world, and turning fully to Jesus. Giving up of our trust in ourselves, we need to replace it with full trust in God. We as humans struggle to be in control, but God wants to take that away from us, until we have nothing left. We need to let go, and stop trying to help God. To go beyond the mediocrity and just living halfway, to knowing Jesus deeper with every day.

What keep us from living a crucified life? Pride and stubbornness-we forget we are but mere humans, and that we don't have “rights” as we like to claim we do. Also, our social postions, money, and even fear. Tozer states, “The father of fear is unbelief.” We need to trust God that He does have our best in mind. Once we take down these veils between us and God, it is then that we can look up and see His smiling face. Thankfully, God forgives us of these sins. He does because they are roadblocks between us and Him, and He wants to be able to pour out His spirit on us, so it can reveal to us the things of God. What are the blessings of living a crucified life? Jesus Christ will live within us. He didn't come to save us from the fires of hell, but to make us like Him. He takes our old selves, which have so many issues, and gives us a new self. We can experience spiritual victory. This is not to say that the crucified life is always easy-it's not. But even in the hardships that we experience, beauty can still arise out of the ashes, when we give God our everything. Joy. There is nothing comparable to the joy in being exactly where God wants us to be, and where he joins us in sweet fellowship. We miss the sweetness of God's presence and joy, when we resist what God brings into our lives. We can experience the fullness of God, when we obey Him and are surrendered to His will.

So the question remains, what are we going to do with Christ? Will we know Him personally and remove anything that comes between us so that there can be sweet fellowship? The Crucified Life is a book that challenged me to persevere in my walk with God, and to know God's heart. We are called to do more than just “live”, we are called to live for Christ, and Christ only. Another thing that challenged me was to want God more than anything. Often in life, we want what God GIVES more than we want God, and God wants to give us Himself. As Tozer states, “ Wherever God takes you, go with Him. Whatever He takes you away from, listen to him and follow what He says. Whomever you must ignore, move away from. If you want to be all that God wants you to be, set your face like a flint and go straight to Jesus.”

-Kelsi Barkman

SACRIFICE of PrAiSe

Recently, the phrase "Sacrifice of Praise" stood out to me in a different way. Earlier, I had thought of it as coming before God and praising Him, which is true. What made a difference in the way I thought of it was the word "Sacrifice". The definition of sacrifice can be translated into "surrendering a possession or giving up of something that we desire to hold close".
It's easy to praise God when He answers a prayer, sends us sunshine when we are tired of rain, or heals us from something. Happiness fills our hearts, and we want to praise God. Life feels conquerable.
But we are also to bring God the SACRIFICE of PrAiSe. Which means, praising God even when things don't work out the way we want them too. It means surrendering our will and believing that God is still sovereign no matter what. That He is still good. We often say when our prayers aren't answered the way we want them too, that God didn't answer. But He did. Just not the way we desired. It is in these moments, that we need to come before God and still praise Him. Maybe its on our knees, or with tears running down our face, it doesn't matter how we are, but we need to surrender whatever we are holding close and lay it at Jesus' feet. Sacrificing is giving up of ourselves, and that's why it can be so hard, because we want to hold close the things we love.
For me, bringing God the sacrifice of praise is more than just saying "God, I praise you." It's more than words, its experiencing that sacrifice of praise in my heart. Recently, I was struggling with something and I just wanted to talk to someone, and then I realized that I need to go to God. He knows our hearts, and He knows exactly what we are feeling. Sometimes, we don't want to admit that we are angry or bitter, but God already knows that. So we can confess it to Him, and ask Him to help us through that.
We can know all this, but it comes down to our choices. We can know that we need to let go and praise God anyway, but that will do us no good, if we don't CHOOSE to do it. "Choices can change our lives profoundly. The choice to mend a broken relationship, to say yes to a difficult assignment, to lay aside some important work to play with a child, to visit some forgotten person-these small choices, may affect our lives eternally" (Gloria Gaither) . When we choose to live a life where we praise God no matter what happens in life, it changes perspective. That life is not just about here, but that we have an eternal home to live for and to strive for.
God has a plan for our lives and we need to remember that sometimes things happen for a reason. We might not always know that reason, but the God who created us, can also be trusted with our lives and whatever happens in them.
Sometimes I feel like all I do is mess up, and I wonder if God is going to give up on me. Of course I know, He won't, but it can feel that way. Another quote I love, "Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them... Let them teach you patience, sweetness, insight. When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our lives, or in the life of another" (Helen Keller). Sometimes our faults overwhelm us, sometimes we want to ignore them and hope they go away, but if we face them, and take them before our God, He can help us overcome them. We won't always be perfect, we won't always praise God when we should, but we can do our best. We can ask God to help us. It's not through our own strength that we are able to be more, but the strength of Jesus Christ that He enables us with.
Take courage.
Be who God wants you to be.
Take Him that sacrifice of praise.

*More ramblings of Kelsi*

Did He Return?

We just found this email in our inbox from back before Easter, from Zach. The writing that he sent is a brief but gripping glimpse into the events surrounding Easter. We're really disappointed that we couldn't post this around Easter, but maybe that's a good thing--maybe this will help us see Christ in a new light.

  "Did he return?"

  His friend's voice was the only interruption to the monotonous sound of two pairs of feet on the dirt road, now dry and dusty. 

  "Simon, you mean?"

  "Simon, yes. Or John."

  "Yes," he answered, "John came back. He found nothing."

  "Nothing?"

  In his depression, his friend's prodding was irritating. More irritating than it should have been, he knew. He sighed.

  "Only the head cloth."

  "No angels."

  He allowed his friend's half-question to remain unanswered. It hung in the air, sounding more like a statement.

They walked on, the Judean wind, hot and dusty, pulling at their clothes and turbans. How long they walked in silence, he didn't know. They were alone in their thoughts, and alone on the road, aside from a lone traveler far behind them. The exodus from Jerusalem after Passover had not yet begun.

  Darkness gripped the man's soul. The despair in his thoughts tortured him and made the road seem to stretch into eternity.

  "What will you do now?"

  A lump formed in his throat. Nothing. There was nothing left to do.

  "Nothing. Nothing new. I guess I will..."

  "Go back."

  "Yes."

  That was all there was now. His old life. His gut wrenched at the thought of it. Before, when he was with the Rabbi, he had told himself his life would never be the same. The mundane-ness and depression of his old life was gone.

  He had loved the adventure of it all, following the Teacher at a moment's notice up mountains and across the country, into cities and deserts. 

  But he knew now that that was not what had made him happy. That was not what had changed his life. 

  The lump grew, and it hurt.

  His friend broke into his thoughts. "I thought he was the Anointed, Cleophas."

  Please stop, he thought. He only wanted to forget, but his friend didn't hear his thoughts.

  "I thought that today we would be watching him sit on the throne, not...."

  His friend didn't need to finish. The ache in his chest swelled and tears blurred the horizon in front of him as the vision of their dead leader flashed into his mind. 

  He didn't want to remember, because now he knew. Only now, when he had lost it all, did he realize how much had been lost. The traveling and the preaching had not changed him. It had been fulfilling and exciting at first, but the excitement had eventually worn off. 

  He saw now what had changed in his own soul, and he could only see it now because now it was gone. He had found a reason to live. He had, for three years, known what it meant to love God. The Rabbi taught them that. Now he could never get that back.

  He spoke haltingly, trying not to weep with the emptiness he felt inside. Tears streamed down his face nevertheless.

  "Me, too. I already miss him. Did you feel what I felt when he spoke?"

  "I don't know what you mean," answered his friend.

  "When I was with him, I felt different, Yosef. I felt clean. I felt holy. When I was with him, when I heard him pray, I wanted to know Adonai. Like I never had before."

  "Yeshua knew Adonai. He was...he was holy."

  "He was."

  He was. And now he was no more. And I do not feel holy anymore, he thought. I do not desire to know Adonai anymore, not like I did. 

  "He didn't deserve that, Yosef." He said it softly. "He didn't deserve it. How could Adonai let it end like this?" 

  Shame and despair gripped his heart again.

  How could God let him be stripped naked like that? Beaten with such brutality? Crucified! Where were you, Adonai?

  He looked over at his friend, now sobbing softly. As if reading his own thoughts, Yosef asked him, his voice cracking, "Where is Adonai now, my brother?

  They both wept quietly. The monotonous sound of footfalls was louder now, for the pilgrim behind them was a faster walker, and he was now overtaking them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From Zach: Obviously, the most beautiful parts of this story are not here yet, but on this Easter Sunday, it's easy for me to imagine what these men might have felt as they went home defeated and despairing on that Sunday close to 2,000 years ago. There might be more to come from me, but the rest (and the best) of the story is in Luke 24. 

God bless you!

Friends.....

So I've been thinking about what to blog about...and I decided to write about some of my friends that have impacted my life. I definitely won't be able to cover all of them...but I'm gonna at least share some.

 

The Barkman girl cousins....women that I've grown up, that have helped shape who I am today. I love how we can have so much fun together, and laugh ourselves sick...but we can also talk about the deep things of life...and we can all share the love for our Jesus Christ.

 

My seesters:) I don't know what  I'd do without them. They listen to me, understand, and counsel me:)I love how as you grow up, the years don't really matter anymore. Right now I super miss being able to stop in at Krystal's house for a latte, and to just talk, and to see her adorable little boys. Thankfully, Kenni is still here, and only two or three minutes down the road. I love to randomly pop in:) God has blessed me with these sisters...and I'm so thankful for the example they are , and for the way we can be more than just family, but good friends too:)

My twin Veronica( in the middle) and Leanne:) Veronica and I don't have the same mom ,but we do share the same birthday and are exactly the same age. She is one of the strongest women I know, and has encouraged me so much. She is incredibly giving, and I have more than once been the recipitent of that generous heart. Leanne and I went to bibleschool two years together and hit it off and we still do. One of those wonderful ladies that sticks by you, and I know that when we are together we will definitely have a good time. One of the awesome things about Leanne is that you think she's quiet till you get to know her:)Then her crazy side comes out:)

Add Andrea and Kara. More bible school friends:) We've kept up since bibleschool and still love to hang out, though we have from Ohio to Pennsylvania to cross.

We won't say how late this was...the wacky picture might give a wee bit of an indication:)

Miller cousins...we all live in the same area...so we know each other well :)and its so much fun. :)

they rock:)

Former co-workers. We used to work at Joad Speciality together....Most of us have left but we still get together because we can't bare to stay apart:)Heidi and Hannah are sadly missing on this picture( perhaps its because they're married) :(:)

Brittany and my Phyliss Ann:)aka Heidi:)Two of the sweetest women ever. Britt is another bibleschool chum...she was my dorm mommy:) She has one of the biggest hearts ever. And Heidi. We used to work together, and we used to live a half mile apart, and we used to go to the same church. So practically, we did almost everything together except live in the same house. There is definitely a huge, gaping hole since she moved to South Carolina with her husband, Noley. Oh Phyliss, come back to me:)

Cherie Clarae. My co-author. Okay, well our book isn't published yet, but hopefully someday. Right now she is living in Thailand, and believe it or not, I'm flying over Tuesday to see her!!After a long time of waiting and saving up...yeah, its actually happening:)

Youth girls. Its not quite everybody. Its awesome being in the same youth group. Recently, we did a weekend at a cabin with sessions on prayer....It was really good!

 

So to all my friends, and even if your not pictured on here...Thank-you for everything you've added to my life. God has blessed me so much!!!!!Wishing all of you a beautiful day! May you feel God's presence close to your heart!

 

 

 

 

Life as a babysitter

Meet Charlie and Maddy. Charlie is in first grade and Maddy is in preschool. Here a tea party is happening with the teddy bear attending also. These kids are so much fun. They add so much to my life. And keep me hopping:)

Meet Arthur. He is three and loves everything that boys love...from guns, to bat and ball, to playing farm, and of course, playing outside:)

 Maddy is full of life and love:)Here, she was trying out my scarf and boots. She loves clothes, so of course, you can never have too many:)

Rice Krispies with a happy face, and of course we try to apply that to life. The happy face, that is:)

 While the others go to school, we get to hang out...and after lunch Arthur likes to ask me "When are we gonna pick up Maddy?":) Which is normally around 1:30...and that always makes him happy.

Yes, this child is cute.

Normally we do homework after he gets home from school. What else normally happens after school?SNACK. You have to have plenty of it:)

They got a kick out of dressing the bear up in Maddy's clothes:)

Maddy and her kitty:)

I really can't imagine life without these kiddos anymore. Yes, we do have our days ,but its been so much fun. I weally do love them:) -Kelsi

The Sovereign Lord

"Though the fig tree does not bud,
and I am alone
and there are no grapes on the vines ,
and I can find no joy in the world right now
though the olive crop fails,
and I have nothing to soothe my open wounds
and the fields produce no food,
and I'm out of a job or hate the one I have;
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no one warms me on cold nights,
and no cattle in the stalls
and I have no tangible basis for feeling secure,
yet I will REJOICE in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Saviour,
The Sovereign Lord is my strength,
he make my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights."
Habukuk 3:17-19
Finding God  by Larry Crabb

Sometimes life is hard. Things happen that we don't understand. God takes us places we don't want to go to. Places of surrender. Of forgiveness. But we don't want to let go and we want to know WHY. We want answers. We want healing. Sometimes more than we want God, and God wants us to want Him more than ANYTHING. We don't always realize that surrender is more than letting go, it's giving our lives completely to someone who will not leave our side, who knows what's best. And when we trust that God is good no matter what, it is then that we can rest in Him. The Lord is sovereign. He is our strength. He loves us unconditionally...no matter how many times we fail, mess up, He is still there and loves us just the same. So basically what I' m trying to say amid all my ramblings, is seek to find God in each moment of life. Choose to rejoice.
-Kelsi

"I've seen MIRACLES just happen,
silent PRAYERS get answered,
BROKEN
HEARTS
become BRAND NEW
that's what faith can do."
-Kutless

The pursuit of all things

We pursue many things.
A better job.
A greater career.
A nicer house.
Dreams close to our hearts.
We pursue peace.
We ask for strength.
We want happiness.
Seeking, searching...
We are all doing it.
We are all pursuing something.
But really, what is our greatest pursuit?
A greater career can be good.
We need strength.
Life without happiness isn't really worth living.
All these...they are good things to pursue, but are our pursuits getting confused?
Are we wanting comfort of life more than Jesus?
Are we praying for peace and strength instead of asking Jesus to fill us with Him?
And are we trying to figure out what God is doing instead of resting in Him?
Pursue the heart of God.
Want Him more that anything.
He WILL meet your needs.

-kelsi

God loves you. So much.

We pray for peace.
We pray for strength.
We beg God to help us not fall apart.
Struggling so hard, we try to figure WHAT God is doing.
Lower and lower we fall, and we cry out to God.
We wonder why He isn't answering our prayers. We fail at being the strong and courageous people we want to be. We barely know ourselves.
The light is gone. God feels so incredibly far away. What we thought was a fairly strong faith is now wavering. Alot. We know the promises of God.
He will never leave us.
He won't let the waters overflow us.
His grace is sufficient.
Knowing this and living like we know it are two different things. We struggle to not give up.
Life feels against us. "Why God?" we ask again and again.
We become empty, weary, and drained.
On late nights our heads rest on tear stained pillows. Yet we continue to struggle, to wrestle, and to seek the face of God. When there is no where else to go, Jesus Christ is our only hope. So we continue to hold on, but we can barely keep out grip.
In those desperate moments, anger and hurt arouse. Does God not see what we're going through?Does He not care?Does He not hear?
Sometimes I think our focus gets clouded ,and we can't see clearly. Through our tears and our grief, we fail at keeping our perspective. If Jesus said He won't leave us-He won't. Sometimes though it does feel like God is silent. Maybe we aren't really hearing or maybe we're seeking God for the wrong reasons so he remains quiet. In all this, it doesn't mean He doesn't care or see, and it doesn't mean he has deserted us. The devil may try to get us to believe that, but it's not true. I believe God can bring us to these places, where we feel alone, where it seems like He isn't hearing us...to the place where we grow so weary and hopeless that Jesus is the only one to pursue. Our only hope. When it feels like He doesn't care, I believe God wants us to realize that He wants us to want HIM more that anything else in the world.
More than peace and joy.
More than comfort of life.
More than being strong, and more than our deepest, biggest desires.
He wants us to come to Him, just as we are and fall on him. With God, he wants us to fall apart, because when we are truly broken before Him, it is then that he can fill us completely.
"Come to me, all ye who are weary and heavy laden, and I will I give you REST."
Rest.
Life and everything we go through, we will never fully figure it out. We may never truly know why God works the way he does, but it is then that we can rest in Him. We may not know what to do, why things happen, but we need to trust Him. When nothing in life feels sure, it's hard to entrust it into God's hands. If we truly desire to know God though , we will follow His call. Sometimes resting and trusting in Jesus is the only thing we can do, and believing that He will not let us go. When we become nothing, Jesus Christ become our everything.
Beauty unfolds
as hearts surrender,
and empty themselves.
They look up, gaping open
to be filled
with Jesus Christ.
It is then that we are truly filled, and all our cracks and scars are healed.
It is then that beauty bursts forward, it's wonder that reaches everywhere.
God loves you. So much. Rest in His love. His love that loves us just the way we are. His love that will never, ever let us go. His love that will see us through.

-Kelsi

Loving the Difficult People in Your Life

“She had been beside my locker for three long years in a row. It was one of those girls that were hard to love. She always wanted to be the life of the party. In class, she’d add obnoxious comments to embarrass some and produce laughter from others. I never tried to get close to her. I didn’t want to be “connected” with her. I would avoid her in the hallway. I’d sit beside her, and not start up conversations with her. I’d laugh at her comments to be polite. I’d talk wrongly behind her back. I’d always said, “I want to find a solution in helping her.” That wasn’t my full intent. I remember [so] well the times I prayed and asked God to give me opportunities to love on her and show her my caring spirit towards her.  I could see her hiding behind those fronts and masks. I wanted to see her so badly tear down those walls and masks. But, I didn’t know how to address it. I just didn’t feel ready to commit to a friendship/relationship that took so much effort and work. I guess, I would have to say it’s partly pride. It was so incredibly selfish of me. “

       Every human alive on earth has people; they don’t connect very well with. PERSONALITIES PROVOKE. CONVICTIONS CONFLICT. HABITS HARASS YOU. PEOPLE DON’T [quite] MEASURE UP TO YOUR LEVEL.

     Who are those people in your life? Think about it for a second with me.

 Recently, I have been thinking about those people in my life that are difficult to love.  The questions that came to my mind were: How can I love them better? Why don’t they get along with me? What do I need to do to begin loving them? Did Jesus love difficult people?

What do I need to do to begin to love them?

 I need to obey his commandments.

(YOU DO, TOO)

God said in His Word, “That love your neighbor thing…I meant that.”

Who is your neighbor?

Neighbor means anyone. 

The poorly dressed man on the street corner. The girl with the gossip habit at your High school. The missionary’s teenage daughter. Yes, the person that is difficult to love.

Do you really, truly love your difficult neighbor?

1 Corinthians 12: 21 says, “The eye can never say to the hand, I don’t need you. The head can’t say to the feet, I don’t need you.”

You should have no reason to say to your neighbor, “I have no need of you.”

You have to have a heart that is willing to follow these commands. (Evaluate yourself.)

       How can you love them better?

 You can love the difficult person by serving them. I read an article online about serving the unlovable people in your life. The article said this, “Serving gives us an easy way to see how we should love. It’s not just some mushy, hard-to-grasp emotion but a move to action. Secondly, Serving someone has a way of changing the way we see them. If you are constantly looking out for a way to help someone, it’s very hard to think of their worthlessness. It’s very hard to stay mad at them.”

        How can you serve someone this week?

   I encourage you to bless and serve someone this week. They would appreciate it so much.

      You should look past then into whom God made them to be. Yeah, this will be so hard and difficult. It’s so worth it, though.

As humans, we tend to look into the outward appearances and characteristics. I encourage you to look into their heart.  [try it. Ask God to help you.] Their story matters just as much as yours does. You could end up being one of their biggest blessings.

       Did Jesus ever have to love difficult people?

He loved many, many, many difficult people. Jesus loved the Pharisees, hypocrites, mockers, and his tormentors. Toward the end of his life, he loved the people about to betray, deny, and desert him. Guess what? Jesus was fully aware of it.

           1 Corinthians 11:1 says, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”

Jesus washes the feet of men, who were unworthy of it. Jesus never put on a fake love, a false front or made them feel insecure or stupid. He truly, completely loved them.

       This proposes the question, “How can you completely love the unlovable in your life?”

    Follow the Example of Christ.

           It might call for some sacrifice with your best friends this week, but you will be blessed to serve a difficult person.

 I’m going to be completely honest with you.  This is something, I am working on. It doesn’t come easily or naturally for me. (or any other person) I have put a paper in my locker to remind myself to love others around me that are difficult to love. I DARE you to come with me on this adventure. Will you?

                Begin to love those, who SEEM impossible to LOVE.

     You never know, God might have a blessing in disguise waiting for you.

by Simone

*If you have tried this and have amazing-God stories, I’d be so happy to hear! You can contact me at: authorgirlsim@gmail.com

"To be alive is to be broken, and to be broken is to stand in need of grace."
-Brennan Manning

What does it mean to truly be alive?
And what does it mean to be completely broken?
A person can be alive without experiencing true life. True life is Jesus Christ dwelling in our hearts. Its living in the freedom of a sinner that was saved. 
Brokenness is to be emptied of everything and to be filled with only Jesus. It's letting go of what we want for what God wants. Sometimes to experience true freedom is to let go. Surrender. And sometimes to be broken is to see how we are nothing without God. We can try desperately on our own, but in the end we will always fail. It's hard to admit we're wrong, and that we're sinners in need of grace. Human flesh says its all about us, but it's not!!!And so to bow the knee and tell God that whatever He wants of us, we will do..it takes courage and it takes strength, but that's the heart cry of God. That we will give him everything and let Him be Master.
Life is never something we will figure out completely, but when we entrust it into the hands of God..there is peace. I have wrestled with some of the things God has required of me. I don't always understand, and when I dwell on it, it makes me discontent. But I have realized also that when I focus on God, on what He wants and not just what I want, there is joy. Joy in knowing I'm where God wants me. We need to come to the place where we want God's will more than our own. This doesn't come overnight. It's actually a daily choice. We can choose to see all that God has denied us of, or we can choose to see everything He has blessed us with. Jesus really does give grace for the painful moments.
And His grace really is enough.
It does see us through.

A Song that has inspired me:

Great is your faithfulness Oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters in to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart

So remember your people
Remember your children
Remember your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is your love and justice God of Jacob
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of your salvation
And all your people sing along

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God I see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough
For me

-chris tomlin

Home Is.

We are a fragile flock,
we specks of life,
and our hearts scatter, 
skittish, 
at first doubt.
And we're easily drawn aside,
from His side,
when greener grass and tales of treasure
catch our attention.
And we're stubborn and shallow and sensitive---
a fragile flock---
but deep in our souls,
we do feel.
We feel so much
and yearn and long and hope.
We yearn for home;
we can't enjoy the day
not knowing where we'll lay our heads at night.
Take away our familiar place,
and you pull the ground from beneath our feet.
We lose our footing and fall on our backs
and find ourselves staring at the sky.
We need a solid place,
we fragile flock;
Without a home
we scarce know who we are.
And so we wonder, dazed and scared and lost,
"If I don't have a place, then who am I?"
We don't want to be pilgrims.
Not us.
We want to be lords.
We want a place,
a safe place;
we want a home.
Our only constant sights are the cotton in the day sky
and the twinkles in the night
and the Shepherd whom we follow.
His face, his staff, his feet.
"Lift up your eyes!"
He always tells me
when I grumble about leaving home again,
how that home will never be my home again,
but how the next place won't be like home now,
so
WHERE IS MY HOME.
"Lift up your eyes," He says,
and so I do.
I see the heavens and I heave a sigh.
I know my home is heaven;
it sounds nice.
But I am just a speck in a fragile flock;
I need some sort of home
here on this earth!
I need some sort of home
before I die!
"My lamb, you have a home here;
lift your eyes!"
And so I lift my eyes
and I look higher,
much higher than the sky,
and I see Him.

~Cheríe

Choosing Joy

JOY.
It's not just about feeling the emotion.
It's about being in the state of joy.
It's not always about what you feel-it's about where you choose to place yourself....in the state of joy where you choose to still have a spirit of joy or out of it.
Before Jesus death...He didn't feel joyful as in the emotion but He was glad to BE.
By being at rest in God, we're not talking about spiritual lethargy but about the PEACE OF GOD, Being in harmony with oneself, with God, and with one's place in God's purpose and plan, unflustered by circumstances, by change, by trials, by ups and downs, or by fluctuating feelings.
-Michael Phillips

Therefore...choose joy.

You make beautiful things

A new favorite song: ☺

YOU MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS -GUNGOR

All this pain
I wonder if I'll ever find my way
I wonder if life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in you

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, you are making me new
You make me new, you are making me new

You make beautiful things

Peter denied Jesus three times.
The third time Jesus turned and locked eyes with Peter.
His eyes cried out...What have you done?
Do you really care about me?
Where is your heart?

How often are we like Peter?We say we love Jesus and will be faithful, but when the real test comes we are often too scared to stand up for Jesus' name. We go with the flow instead of being strong in what we believe. How often do you think Jesus' heart cries out with pain at our rejection? We told him we would follow him no matter what the cost, but then it comes, and the cost requires too much to give up...and we break our promise.
Are our hearts grounded in God? Are they so firmly rooted that they will stay there, no matter what comes our way?
Children of God:
Take up your cross and FOLLOW the one who died for you...and rose again to bring you life.
True life.

Come To Jesus

This song has really inspired me...I was just at a bibleschool and my one class was  Gospel Team. We were a group that learned songs and at the end of our term we went on a singing tour. It was totally awesome. Our chorus director chose the theme to be on prayer. Are you a praying person?Really and truly?When was the last time you spent an hour with God? I came home very challenged! So as you listen to this song...listen to the words. Come to Jesus. Fall on Jesus. Completely. Don't hold anything back. Cry to Jesus. He cares. He will always be there no matter what you are facing. I loved this song and hope you will to! -Kelsi

A Mother Teresa Quote

People...are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may not be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see in the end, its between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-Mother Teresa-

Everything has BEAUTY but not EVERYONE sees it. -Confucius

Interview with Heidi Barkman

Hello again...
I bring to you the official interview of Heidi Barkman on life and words...

Q: What is your favorite quote?
A: If Jesus Christ be God and died for me, then no sacrifice can be to great for me to make for Him.
     C.T.STUDD
Q: What is your favorite book?
A: One Thousand Gifts

Q: Who is your favorite author?
A: Leslie Ludy

Q: What if your favorite song?
A: All immproviso amore

Q: What is your favorite verse in the Bible?
A: Daniel 9:18 O my God, incline thine ear, and hear; open thine eyes, and behold our desolation, and the city which is called by they name: for we do not present our supplications before thee fro our righteousness, but for thy great mercies.

Q: What to you is the essence of life?
A: Love and wisdom

Q: What is your favorite word?
A: Jolly

Q: What would you say is one word that describes yourself?
A: Sensitive(she goes on to say she has no idea)

Q: Describe life in two words.
A: Surprising and fulfilling

Q: Why do you love to write?
A: Because it helps you get your thoughts sorted out

Q: If you could change one thing about your life what would it be?
A: My carnal nature

Q: What makes you laugh?
A: Little kids sarcasm, funny laughs, myself(at my dumb mistakes:))

Q: And last of all, what is your motto for life?
A: Know exactly who you are in God and know who your God is. Know what you want to do with your life then go at it with all of your heart.

thank-you, Heidi, for your answers and time!

Healing Waters

It's now been years that Kelsia and I have been writing Healing Waters. We've grown in writing together and collected memory after memory, from snail-mailing the story back and forth to sitting in a coffee shop for hours editing our story together. I don't think we'd take back any of it (except for maybe the one coffee shop moment when we somehow lost the results of the past few hours of our work).
  What has been so special to me is getting a chance to write a story along with my dear cousin and friend Kelsia, a talented writer and loving heart. And then there is the chance we had to delve into the story at the Pool of Bethesda two thousand years ago. (Really, to write about something, you have to delve.) We did research. We got to explore, with our imagination, the streets of Jerusalem in Jesus' time. We created characters we got to know and love, and probably my favorite is a little boy named Kaleb. He would run up and down those streets in Jerusalem looking for adventure. Everyone he met was his friend; he didn't know the meaning of the word "stranger." When he discovered the Pool of Bethesda, where crowds of sick people waited for a chance to be healed, he made friends with Zephi, a cripple. Their stories interwoven are what make up part of Healing Waters.
  When I read our story, I see it through Kaleb's eyes. Funny how a character who doesn't even exist becomes a part of your heart ...
 
  Can this be true? Can I really be in Israel?
  It is April 2012, and I find myself standing in the famous city I've only read about in the bible and wrote about in our book.
  The book ... it's been finished, and sometimes forgotten as it sits in some publisher's office while they decide its fate.
  It's been a wonderful time here in Israel--indescribable. Beyond words. Better than imagined. I could spend hours telling you of the places we've been already.
  I am in Jerusalem.
  One place I have been waiting to visit is--you guessed it--the Pool of Bethesda. I could hardly bear it if we came to Israel but missed this place! Here in Jerusalem is where the site of the Pool lies.
  The day has finally come ... we get a chance to visit the place where, thousands of years ago, such an amazing story took place ... Jesus ... coming to the Pool of Bethesda ... meeting the lame man, the man my cousin and I named Zephi ...
  I look down at my feet as I walk down the street. I'm following our little group as we make our way through the city trying to find the place of the Pool. There are people all around us, voices, foreign dialects ... I smile. Beautiful.
  I look up just in time to see a little Israeli boy dash ahead of me, through our little group, and out of sight.
  He's Kaleb's age. He looks like Kaleb. 
  I smile again at the absurdity of this little boy reminding me of one who doesn't exist.
  Suddenly we find the place of the Pool. Through a gate, past a railing, and you're there.
  How changed it is. I can hardly picture how it would have been. Remains of little mikvehs, remains of two larger pools, remains of a Byzantine church built beside it in later years. It only makes it more mysterious, more elusive, more special ... that I will never see how it was in those days, but that I am standing right where it happened.
  Chills run down my spine.
  Jesus.
  Here.
  "Do you want to be made well?"
  "Zephi" the cripple must have scarcely been able to believe those words. What kind of a question is that? I have been lame for thirty-eight years! What could I want more than to be made well?
  Why would Jesus ask that question? I've never thought about it before ... it's like asking a starving man if he wants a hot meal. Is it a joke? Are you trying to be funny? How can it be this easy?
  Why would Jesus ask that question?
  Zephi's faith. It was about his faith.
  How surreal; it's like someone asking you if you want what you've always wanted but never believed you would have, but Jesus asked it like He was holding it out right there in front of you. Not "Would you want this," but "Do you want this?"
  No, really ... do you want to be made well? Here! Take this gift! I'm holding it out to you!
  The only way it can be received is to reach out and take it--grasp the impossible.
  What a beautiful story.
  Here, where I'm standing.
  It's a special time for me. After a while, though, our time is up. We follow the railing and exit through the gate, back out into the Jerusalem streets. I look to the street on my right.
  A lame man. An old lame man, sitting on the street, clutching his cane.
  My heart stops.
  Zephi.
  I can hardly tear my eyes from him as I walk past. When I finally look forward, I realize I've stopped and everyone else is ahead of me. And so I pick up my pace, trying to catch up.
  I steal one more glance back at the old man.
  And suddenly there beside him on the street is a little boy. The same little boy I'd seen right before the Pool is sitting down with the crippled man, and the picture they make stops me in my tracks again and goes straight to my heart.
  It's like a smile from God, a reminder of the beautiful story ...
  ... and I'm reminded of how convinced I am that He wants us to tell this story.